Selfish Responsibility

I was reminded the other day of a revelation I came to several years ago.   I had recently moved to a new town, had two very small children and started a new job while my husband had stayed in San Diego to finish out his nursing school year.  I was miserable, exhausted, alone and full of resentment.  I felt like I had all the responsibility of the finances, children, daily household chores while my husband just had himself to care for with little or no responsibilities.  While this was a temporary situation, nine months or so, it was such a difficult, stressful time for me that it impacted my entire view of life, relationships, family.  But most of all, it changed how I viewed myself.    

I remember thinking, I've lost my identity. No one calls me by my first name anymore. My kids call me Mom. The teacher's refer to me as my kid's mother or Mrs. R. My husband called my honey, sweetie, hey you.... My name was never spoken. 

Every single day, I gave all of my energy to everyone and everything else, depleting every ounce of strength within me.  I had absolutely nothing left at the end of day and fell into bed in a comatose, dreamless state until the alarm rudely woke me up the next morning.   I gave 100% of my effort at work, to the children, to my marriage, to my friends and family.   Don't we all?   Isn't that what we are supposed to do to be successful?   We give and give and give and never expect anything in return.  We are mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, friends and workers, expected to meet life responsibilities and perform amazing feats on a daily basis.   We set ourselves aside, we forget any aspirations or desires we might have had at one time.  Honestly, we don't even get enough sleep or time to really think about what we are missing.   We just keep working and doing until pretty soon we are angry and miserable and wondering why the hell we are in this situation.

We have forgotten the responsibility of taking care of ourselves!

I know I am not the only one who has felt this way.  Unfortunately, by the time we get to the point where we are miserable and resentful, we have probably damaged our family, marriage or work environment. 

So, the important thing here is to be selfish in order NOT to be selfish. We are also responsible for making sure we feed ourselves with the energy and strengths that make us who we are.   We owe it to our family, relationships and work to give them a whole person.  A person who is fulfilled and able to give.   If we allow time and energy for ourselves to pursue those dreams we once had or even to get a massage or take a night out with friends, we can continue to give without resentment and anger.  Selfish responsibility.   Take care of you so you can take care of life.  

This isn't easy to do.  It also takes work.  It takes planning and effort to be selfish.   But you can do it.  You HAVE to do it.  You don't want to become a shell of a person who has lost your identity as a person.   It is a long hard road back to discover yourself. 

So, for today, take a few moments for yourself.  Take a long bath, read a book, attend a seminar on a topic you are interested in. Do what makes you happy and share that happiness in your life.   Be good to yourself so you can be good to your loved ones.  I promise it will be worth it. 

Related articles:  http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/08/care-means-selfish.html