First, let's talk about the title. Think of the Psy song Gangnam Style and replace the words with Condom Star. A friend of mine thought those were the words to that song so I thought this was a fitting post title. funny!
So I went to have drinks with my friend Pete the other day and he told me the most hilarious story. He's recently separated and discovering the ins and outs of being single in your 40's. First order of business? Buying condoms. Have you been to the condom counter lately? We used to have a choice of lubricated or non-lubricated. These days there is an entire 6 ft by 8 ft section of selections.
How many different types are there? Well, there are some with a reservoir tip, some without. Some have spermicide. Some have ribs or bumps. Some are made of rubber or latex and others are made of lamb skin. They come in different fits too! Some are 'form fit' while others are just straight. They come in different lengths and widths. And to top it all off, there are several different manufacturers, all with their own 'style' of condom.
So you can imagine my friend's dismay when he entered the drug store to try and buy condoms for the first time in several years. He decided to get an expert's advice and went to the pharmacist. The aid behind the counter was a young girl in her mid 20's. Pete says, "Hi, I'm looking for a condom that is comfortable". The girl behind the counter stares at him for a moment, obviously unprepared to help Pete, but, nonetheless starts asking him questions. Do you want lubrication? Ribbed? Spermicide? As my friend is struggling with determining what he wants, it is obvious the girl is uncomfortable and repeatedly rolls her eyes every time she has to ask him a question. They both awkwardly got through the many different options and the line of questioning finally came down to size. My friend stood there struggling, not knowing, really, how he measures up to other guys. And he certainly didn't understood how sizing works in condoms. He stood stammering for a bit.
Now, I can understand his confusion. I mean there really isn't a chart that says that if you are X inches in length you are considered Small or Medium or Large. How does one know what size he is? And how do you know if the size pertains only to length? What about width? And lastly, how do you know the condoms are going to be comfortable? So, I went on a hunt. I found a couple different sites discusing size, but really nothing official. Check these sites out.
http://www.theyfit.co.uk/pages/comparison-of-condom-sizes
I liked this site the best: http://condomsizeandfacts.blogspot.com/2011/10/detailed-condom-penis-size.html
It would be nice if these charts were posted at the condom counter. However, in my experience guys do not usually measure themselves in millimeters. ;)
In any event, as Pete stood there stammering, wondering where he fit in the population and wondering how he could possibly quantify his size, he says, 'Well, I'm a decent size. Not EXTRA large, but kinda big?' The girl raised her eyebrows in surprise, had a smirk on her face, and put a box on the counter saying, 'Here, try these'. My friend, completely red with embarrassment, pays for the condoms and leaves.
As if this wasn't embarrassing enough, my friend went back to the same pharmacy about a month later. This time, there was another patron in the vicinity. The girl behind the corner recognized him and says, 'Oh YOU! So, how did those work out of you?' Pete slyly looks at the other patron and says, kind of motioning to his lower parts, 'Well, it was a little tight at the base'. The girl, raised eyebrows again and big smile on her face, says, 'OH REALLY?!" Pete, now feeling proud that he has impressed the young woman, says, 'Well, you know, what can I say? You have my number." Implying that she should give him a call to get a first hand look. The girl looks at him and immediately starts laughing hysterically. She tries to stop because she knows it's inappropriate, but is unable to contain her amusement at my friend's audacity.
Pete kind of slinked away and has never visited that pharmacy again.
So I went to have drinks with my friend Pete the other day and he told me the most hilarious story. He's recently separated and discovering the ins and outs of being single in your 40's. First order of business? Buying condoms. Have you been to the condom counter lately? We used to have a choice of lubricated or non-lubricated. These days there is an entire 6 ft by 8 ft section of selections.
How many different types are there? Well, there are some with a reservoir tip, some without. Some have spermicide. Some have ribs or bumps. Some are made of rubber or latex and others are made of lamb skin. They come in different fits too! Some are 'form fit' while others are just straight. They come in different lengths and widths. And to top it all off, there are several different manufacturers, all with their own 'style' of condom.
Now, I can understand his confusion. I mean there really isn't a chart that says that if you are X inches in length you are considered Small or Medium or Large. How does one know what size he is? And how do you know if the size pertains only to length? What about width? And lastly, how do you know the condoms are going to be comfortable? So, I went on a hunt. I found a couple different sites discusing size, but really nothing official. Check these sites out.
http://www.theyfit.co.uk/pages/comparison-of-condom-sizes
I liked this site the best: http://condomsizeandfacts.blogspot.com/2011/10/detailed-condom-penis-size.html
It would be nice if these charts were posted at the condom counter. However, in my experience guys do not usually measure themselves in millimeters. ;)
In any event, as Pete stood there stammering, wondering where he fit in the population and wondering how he could possibly quantify his size, he says, 'Well, I'm a decent size. Not EXTRA large, but kinda big?' The girl raised her eyebrows in surprise, had a smirk on her face, and put a box on the counter saying, 'Here, try these'. My friend, completely red with embarrassment, pays for the condoms and leaves.
As if this wasn't embarrassing enough, my friend went back to the same pharmacy about a month later. This time, there was another patron in the vicinity. The girl behind the corner recognized him and says, 'Oh YOU! So, how did those work out of you?' Pete slyly looks at the other patron and says, kind of motioning to his lower parts, 'Well, it was a little tight at the base'. The girl, raised eyebrows again and big smile on her face, says, 'OH REALLY?!" Pete, now feeling proud that he has impressed the young woman, says, 'Well, you know, what can I say? You have my number." Implying that she should give him a call to get a first hand look. The girl looks at him and immediately starts laughing hysterically. She tries to stop because she knows it's inappropriate, but is unable to contain her amusement at my friend's audacity.
Pete kind of slinked away and has never visited that pharmacy again.
Nice story: it explains very well what the real problem is.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the best place to know id there:
http://condomsizeandfacts.blogspot.fr/2012/01/condom-size-wizard_15.html
You can input your size in inches!
Thank you for the information!
Delete