On line Dating...ugh!

While I get that 'on-line' dating seems to be a perfectly acceptable way to meet people these days, it is an awfully painful way! I have been single for a few years and I've attempted this method of dating a few times.   It's a cycle.  I try it for a few months, get disgusted, then take a break for a few months.   Then out of some desperate act of loneliness, I try it again, go on a few dates and again get frustrated by the lack of integrity out there. 

There are many things you need to consider before attempting this method of meeting men.   First, you need to choose the site. 
There are free sites like Plenty of Fish, Hot or Not, Date.com and many, many more.   These sites are generally used by people who are not really serious about finding someone for a long term relationship.  Some people label them 'hook up' sites.   Now, that's not to say people don't find long term relationships from a free site.  I'm not saying that at all.   But, it seems the more serious are on pay sites like eHarmony and Match.   To me, it seems people on those sites are more desperately trying to find marriage or 'ever after' loves.  

There are also many services that will find you a mate.  It's Just Lunch, Elite Connections, Kelleher International.  They will request money from you and those they wish to match you with.   It can be hundreds to thousands of dollars to find a mate this way.  

Once you find a site you need to fill out pages of information about yourself and what you are looking for.  This is very time consuming and tedious.   It is best to state what you want, clearly.  I believe it being truthful and putting up pictures that show my looks and body type.  Unfortunately, not everyone is honest. 

I don't understand why people think that it is ok to put old pictures up.  I mean OLD pictures.  Like 8 years and 75 pounds ago. How does someone justify this as an accurate representation of themselves?   I mean I have experienced setting up a meeting with someone and getting picked out by someone I didn't recognize.   Really?  Did you think I wouldn't notice you don't look anything like the photo you posted?   This kind of stuff causes you to be quite jaded.  

It's not just the old pictures, there's also the ones that claim to be single, and are definitely very married.  Of course, this doesn't usually become obvious at first.   You have to spend the wasted time learning it finally.  Now I understand there are women who don't mind dating a married man.  If that's his gig, then he should be honest about it. He'll inevitably get what he wants. 

I do have a single male friend who lives in a somewhat remote area.  He has been dating on line for the last three years.   It is amazing the stories he tells me.  He has no problem getting women to come to his house and do him.  I think I can count on one hand how many times he has met a woman outside his home.   These young women are perfectly fine going to his house after 10 p.m. to give him anything he wants.  AT the first meeting!  I don't understand it.   While he is a very respectable guy, what if he wasn't?    He is quite interesting because he really just wants to find a woman who will give him a challenge.   Unfortunately, in three years, he hasn't met one woman who didn't cave in by the second meeting.   Again, those meetings are at his home, every time.   At least that's what he tells me.   I see no reason he wouldn't tell me the truth. 

I have another female friend who tried on line dating.  Each meeting ended in some kind of disaster to her car.   Never a direct cause of the date, but circumstances ended with her spending hundreds of dollars in repairs.   She gave up rather quickly.  She ended up meeting her husband when he walked into her work.  

While, I do have to admit that I have met a few nice, normal, respectable guys on line.   But, the truth is this.  You only know if you are attracted to someone after you meet them.   No matter how much time you spend on the phone, emailing or getting to know someone, the physical chemistry must be there for it to last.   I did meet someone on line who seemed to be my perfect match.  We talked for two months before we finally met.  We logged more than 300 hours on the phone.   You would think that after that much time talking you would have hit all topics of interest.   The exchange of pictures was fluid.   But, there is nothing that can replace the initial impression physically.   There are many things we take in.  The way a person holds themselves, the way they move, walk, stand.   Their scent, mannerisms, habits.   Talking and pictures cannot replace the physical bond you must have to carry on a relationship.  After meeting this gentleman I was not completely attracted to him. I tried to convince myself that I could overlook the physical and focus on all of the things we did have in common.   It lasted three months.  

So I'm back on line, checking out the local men.   I request a physical meeting almost immediately because it seems to be a waste of energy to get to know someone only to discover you have no attraction. I hear often enough that the chances of meeting someone and remarrying in your late 40's are very, very slim.  I don't believe it.  I believe that you can love many times in one lifetime.   I also, believe that there are plenty of available men out there that are looking for a partner and companion.  Despite the experiences and the failures and seemingly lack of honest men, my optimism continues.

I would love to hear your comments and experiences.  

Good luck out there!