Judgment

Well, it's been an interesting couple of days.   The one thing that stood out this week was the fact that I have been told, on two separate occasions, that I am 'Judgmental'.  I looked it up to make sure I understood what exactly it was that I was being labeled. So, I voice my opinion. Isn't that all we are talking about here?  

Of course I don't consider myself an 'authority' on anyone, but I definitely have my opinions about some people.   Don't we all?   Come on, don't we all take in the appearance of people and
automatically categorize them into some bin we have previously established?   For instance, we see a staggering unkept man crossing the street. What do we think?  He must be a bum, a drunk. 

Or, we see a woman scantily dressed walking after dark in a seedy neighborhood.  We think, she must be a lady of the night, a streetwalker, hooker.   Why do we do this? Because we have experience and if the environment and appearance fit, we bin these people in their proper place and go on our way.  

This judgment is used on a daily basis.   We meet people every day and we take our initial impression and we use that impression to form an opinion based on our experience and knowledge.  How often are we wrong?   Honestly, how many times have you met someone, categorized them (judged them) and then discovered later that your intital impression was wrong?   I don't know about you, but that doesn't happen too frequently to me.  Unfortunately, I am usually right in my initial thought.  

When I was told I was 'judgmental' I immediately felt it was a negative dig.  But is it really negative?   Is it bad to be judgmental?   

After talking with my good friend tonight, it became even clearer that we are all judgmental and because of that fact, we change our behavior, our appearance, our social interactions JUST to compensate for the fact that everyone judges.   She relayed to me that since she became a mother, she has had to change her reactions, her behavior and 'care' about what people think of her, for the sake of her children.   She is so right.   She has had to become the typical 'soccer mom' in order to fit in to her social peer group.  If she didn't have to worry about people judging her and then treating her children differently, she could continue to behave with the 'I don't care attitude' and do as she pleased.  But that's just not possible and still be accepted in the mother social circles.  She must live under the constant presence of judgment by others.

 So, what is truly the problem with being judgmental?  It isn't the actual judgment that is the problem, it is, as my relative pointed out, the verbalization of that judgment.  THAT is what people cannot handle.   We can all judge in silence and react or behave based on that judgment but you cannot, without consequence, actually voice your opinion about something.   That is when we get in trouble.

The up shot is this:  You can be as judgmental as you want.  You can have your own opinions about people.  You can think what you want to think.  You can even change the way you treat someone based on your judgment or opinion,.  But, to avoid being labeled JUDGMENTAL, you need to keep your opinions to yourself. 

I guess I have discovered something else to improve in myself. Shut up, keep a smile on my face and pretend I have no opinion.