Behind the Curtain

 

Who is the man/woman behind the curtain?

Haven't you run into someone in your day to day routine and wonder the same thing?   People, on the surface, can seem so ordinary and plain.   You see the parents taking the kids to soccer practice, attending the school play and volunteering to chaperone the field trip.   You talk to people every day at work and have little superficial conversations about the game, the weather, the office politics.   You go to the grocery store and see the same clerk and the same bagger and exchange pleasantries, knowing you will forget the name you read from their pinned-on label the moment they are out of sight.  How many times do we actually stop and take notice of the people we see and interact with every day?  I don't know about you, but I seldom give people much thought.  I've heard that people are inherently selfish.  Is it true?   Are we so self absorbed that we cannot reach outside of ourselves to discover the wonders of those around us?

Every once in a while we run into someone in our world  that demands to be noticed.  I'm not sure what you call it or how to describe it, but a spark initiates the curiosity within and suddenly you want to know more about this person.   You are interested!   You might be interested enough to stop and ask a question or two. 

So now let's turn it around.  How are WE perceived in the world? How do people see us as we maneuver through the day?   How do we want to be seen and noticed?   Are we more comfortable hiding behind the superficial conversations or do we allow ourselves to be known, truly known for who we are? 

I think if we ARE noticed and someone becomes interested in learning more, our first defense is still a shell of our true being.   For me, my outer shell is smiling, cheery, laughing, and upbeat.   I don't share my writing or aspirations with people until I allow them inside.   Getting to the inside takes a while.  Very few get that far.

Recently, a good friend of mine shared a view as a comment to 'Zesty Men'.  The entry was:

Men want to be remembered, not known!
I love to be recognized, admired, maybe slightly envied. But terrified of being known. When I travel and meet new people, often others in their group have at least heard my name. Call me Jack and you have my attention. Now I don't go by my given name, what's on my drivers license, so when someone address me by it, I know they are not in my world.
The reason I don’t like being addressed by my first name is I am terrified of being known, being Ralph. He is the weak one, that didn’t date much, last pick in gym class and went to the Prom with a friend. So on my outside I’m Jack, the cool guy that has connections, knows people, places and is very interesting. Ralph is the loser on the inside with the goofy name I’ll never shake. So ladies you don’t want to know me, but want Jack and will love having a great experience you’ll always remember.

 

This entry echoes the reality that we provide the shell to most and seldom allow others inside to explore our true being.  We protect who we are, even from ourselves.  We create a layer of personality in the hopes that it will satisfy those who are curious about us.  Most the time it does.   We rarely reveal the core of our being to another soul.  Hell, we rarely reveal the core to ourselves.  

 

 I have always been in awe of the artist, Eminem.   While I'm not much into the rap scene and don't particularly like the way he expresses himself, I completely admire the fact that he DOES express himself.  He allows the world to see the inside.  His lyrics are raw and uninhibited. He reveals his core in his art and allows the world to see it, hear it, criticize it, analyze it and judge. 

 

There's the word, JUDGE.   We judge ourselves as we believe others will judge us.  We don't think our insides are worthy of exposure so we hide and never share the wonderful treasures others may find enlightening, beneficial,  creative, provocative.  Don't we owe it ourselves and to others to share?  Don't we owe it to others and to ourselves to discover the treasures of those around us? 

 

Maybe today we will take the time to ask a question or two, remember the names of those we interact with, get to know a little something about the people we see.   Who knows, you could learn something incredible.  And maybe, just maybe, we can answer a question or two from our core rather than giving the shell of a person we've relied upon to protect our true selves. 

 

Recommended read:  The Flinch

Chocolate, Love and Belonging

I started this entry back in February.   I am posting it today because I am reminded again how precious love and belonging is.  It is rare and wonderful and should be embraced whenever it is presented.  February's entry:

I watched the movie, Chocolat, last night.  My daughter asked me why I wanted to watch it and the only thing I could tell her was, 'Johnny Depp is in it'.  Do I need another reason?   She asked, 'What is it about?' I answered, 'Johnny Depp is a gypsy and meets a woman who runs a chocolate shop."  Even I had to admit that it sounded boring.   My daughter decided to go clean her room rather than stay and watch the movie with me.   A first!  I'm not sure why I rented the movie from Netflix.  I've seen it a

Zesty Men!

I say bring them on!  It's about time!  Women have been used in ads to sexually sell products for decades.  Finally, ad agencies understand that it's the women doing the shopping.   I love these commercials.   It seems there's some uptight women who have decided to be our voice.  Shame on you!   Let me know what you think of these ads.  I think they are fantastic. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDVzgObmKJg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27xs3alDA74

Short and sweet today.  ;)

Dating and Red Flags

This entry is about the science of selection in the dating world. We know there's been thousands of books written on How to Date, How NOT to Date, How to Attract the Opposite Sex, How to Catch Them and Win Them.... the list goes on and on and on.   Just go to Amazon and do a search.  It's crazy how many books there are!  But the truth is, this is not a true science at all.  It is entirely subjective.   My selection criteria is completely different than the next 10 women.  And men have even more ways to select their mates.  However, there ARE some very basic things we singletons must do in order to succeed.  First, there is the method of searching.  Some people hang out in bars, others go to the gym.  Some people join hiking clubs or even use the dating sites.

The Inspiration to Shine

It's been over a month since I posted.   It isn't for a lack of material.  It has been the lack of inspiration.   A good friend told me, don't write just because you have to.  Write when something inspires you.  That's when you write the best.   I beat myself up for a few weeks before this was said to me.   I felt guilty for not writing.  I felt like I was failing to fulfill my commitment. My commitment to write words?  Or my commitment to impart perspective and to share light and positivity?  I don't want to write to just to write.  I want to contribute!   How can I impart light and

The Expression of Shoes

I don't know about you, but my relationship with shoes didn't really start until I was well into my 30's.  Before that time, I chose practical, comfortable shoes that could be worn with just about anything I wore.  My closet consisted of the standard black, tan, white dress shoes with a couple of flip flops and sneakers.  I didn't dare to buy anything too trendy or uncomfortable.   It seemed to me, at the time, that it was a waste of money to buy a shoe in a bright color.

Well, that mind set has changed, drastically! 

Manscaping

Last post I discussed the airbrushed images of perfect women we see on a daily basis.  While I mentioned that the airbrushing is applied to the male models too, I don't think we really explored what is happening to men in our society.  Women are spending thousands of dollars lifting their boobs and injecting botox into their faces, leaving them expressionless and men, YES, MEN are getting their eyebrows threaded and getting calf implants!

Perception of Perfection

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful.  Alice Walker

This week I was having a conversation with one of my male friends.   This guy perceives himself as a man's man.  Refuses to 'manscape' as he calls it.   What exactly does this mean, I asked.  It means, no manicures, pedicures or plucking of the ear hair and it certainly doesn't mean trimming the hair 'down there'.  I find this interesting since most men prefer a woman who goes to great lengths to hide her human traits such as shaving the legs, arms, armpits and plucking out those wiry renegades around the chin area.  Let's talk about the hair 'down there'.  Yes, women either trim, shave or wax it off.  It seems, lately, that men demand that it be baby bare.  What is up with this?  It doesn't stop with just women!   I started looking at some of the male advertisements and it appears that men no longer have hair on their chest.  When's the last time you saw a picture of a man with hair?  In fact, I was

Death Your Way

I realize that the thought of dying is something we would all like to avoid.  In fact, the subject is usually only brought up when someone actually dies. Even when someone is very sick and clearly dying, we refuse to accept the end.  The moment that we all know will happen when your loved one is no longer there with you is one that only those who have witnessed it can understand.

This past week was difficult for my family and friends.   My girlfriend's father passed away unexpectedly this past week.   While his was the death every person aspires to, the wake of her father's end of life to my friend's family has been devastating.  This week also marked the anniversary of my sister's death several years ago.   The sorrow and emptiness cannot be explained or described until you experience it for yourself.   There is nothing that can be said to alleviate the heart ache.  Food, contact, hugs, sympathy and empathy are all that an outsider has to offer.   While the gestures are appreciated, it is received in a fog.   The grief is so great.  The only thing to relieve the ache is to allow yourself to feel the hurt.

Those of us who are trying to assist can only say things like, 'It is good that he passed in his sleep, in his own bed.' or 'She is no longer in pain, she is in a better place.' or 'He struggled so long, he if finally at peace.'  These statements, while seem to be helpful, do not do anything but make the receiver nod and agree.  What else is there to say?   All we can do is be there.   We don't need to say anything or do anything.  Just allow the one who is grieving to do exactly that, grieve!   The process is long and difficult.   Acceptance of the loss can come fairly quickly, or it can take years before you stop crying at the silliest, seemingly unrelated, things.  

What we must know is that it is ok to grieve.  It is ok to feel. It is ok to be pissed off and feel short changed.  It is ok to be down and sad.  It is ok to be alone and it is ok to be selfish.  Do whatever it is YOU need to do to process the pain.   Everyone is different.  Everyone has a unique method of working through the shock of loss.   It is a very personal thing and no one can feel it for you.  No other person can tell you what to do or how to do it.   The only thing that must happen is that you deal with it and get to acceptance.  

I saw an article the other day on 'How to hold back tears' which gave a suggestion of clearing your throat which then makes your tongue move to the roof of your mouth, thus preventing tears.  Why would you want to do this?   My opinion is that crying to super healthy and needed to process pain, laughter, exasperation, anger or whatever your feeling.   How can suppressing this needed function be a good thing?  But, again, this is my opinion.

In my own experience I found that laughter is also an excellent way to handle death.   As my sister was in her last couple days of life, we gathered around her and told stories of growing up .  Stories that had always made us laugh, every time we remembered them.   It was the laughter and joy of recounting the wonderful life we shared that made the grief more tolerable.  

The point here is that death occurs... all the time.   Our response to it is personal.  We grieve when we lose our pets, lose our jobs, lose our loved ones.   The way we handle loss is ours to feel and no one can tell us how to do it or when to do it.   We own the process and the feelings that go along with it.  There is no perfect way and no timetable.  Just do what YOU need to do. 

There are many resources out there for coping with death.  I also found a site which is fairly new which provides great information on being prepared for death.   I have placed some links below.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
http://www.medicinenet.com/loss_grief_and_bereavement/article.htm

http://www.oktodie.com/

A Man and His Dog

We all know that a man's best friend is his dog.   You see guys all over the place running, biking, surfing, walking, hiking, driving and playing with dogs.   It isn't a strange sight.  It's actually fairly common.  Those of us who own pets treat our pets like family.   We feed them, pet them, play with them and take care of them when they are sick.   We feel like they are our children.   I am completely on board with having a pet who is important.  My bff told me the other night that her husband complained to her that she is happier to see the dogs than to see him.  And her response to that was, "Well, they are happier to see me!" They wag their tails, they run to the door to greet her and are always, always happy to see her no matter what kind of day they had.  She told me, if her husband was like that every time she came home, she just might be happier to see him too!  

Ok ok, she has a point!  They love you no matter how you look and they tolerate all of your weirdness without a complaint.   They love you unconditionally.  Let's face

Friendship Expiration

Have you ever had a person enter into your life, make a huge impact, and then leave just as quickly as they entered? Do you have childhood friends that are still in your life?  Are you friends with members of your family?  Is your family your friend network?  As we grow older, the number of people who enter and leave our life is astounding.  There are so many!   

 

Co-workers sometimes become more than just co-workers or acquaintances.   They become true friends whom you share your personal life with and then one day, one of you leaves the job.  You

A New Perspective

Well, the last couple entries focused on the End of the World... as we know it.  It HAS changed and continues to change.  While the nation faces the healthcare, gun control and higher taxes issues, I am sitting back wondering why I am continuing to feed the corporate monster with my time and energy.   I recently began listening to the Four Hour Work week audiobook http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/ on my 2.7 hour commute every day.   Yes, I spend that much time on the road M-F to go to a job that does not fulfill or inspire me.   I have to ask myself, WHY?  Well, I've discussed this before in previous entires, because I built the American dream and now I'm suffering from the empire I've created.  

This is What!

So my girlfriend and I work for an organization that still believes it's 1965. The man to woman ratio is still about 20:1.   I am not exaggerating.   I know it's hard to believe in this day and age, but believe it.  While there are a few men who tolerate and occasionally support women in our workplace, the general atmosphere is female adverse.  We are reminded every single day that we women are  supposedly less than a man. Fighting this all day, year after year, gets to be exhausting and starts to make one believe that it is, and always will be, a man's world.